The argument he wanted to make was that it was in fact relevant, because snapping turtles areknown as the "kings of the Mississippi".

It's a decent argument. There's just one problem with it, which is that as far as I can tell it's a load of tripe someone came up with to justify putting a turtle in the logo. I'm not saying the people who came up with the logo made it up. But I checked with a friend of mine who lives in Memphis, and she confirmed that the only time she had ever heard that claim made was when the logo was first debuted. I had her ask around, and she said that nobody she talked to -- including several Memphis natives -- had ever heard that moniker given to snapping turtles. One person she spoke to helpfully offered that whoever came up with that as justification for the turtle should be known as the king of the bullshitters.

I'm not going to go that far. It could have been a person at the team fed the designers that line because they wanted a turtle in the logo, or it could be someone the designers misremembered, or any number of other possibilities. But the fact that the team gave a press release about the logo which included the claim clearly makes them accomplices in the fiction. So not only am I giving the team the "Irrelevancy" penalty for the turtle, I'm also making it an egregious penalty because the team lied about it. If you want me to take the penalty away, you're going to have to come up with some credible evidence of the claim (and anything coming out of the RiverKings' front office doesn't count). Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

While I won't blame the designers for the "king of the Mississippi" line, I am blaming them for putting a turtle in the logo no matter what the circumstances. Every real hockey fan knows what a ridiculous idea it is to make a turtle represent your team. "Turtling" is what you call someone who drops into a cowardly position when challenged to fight. To call a hockey player a "turtle" is not a compliment. And this team decided to put one on their jerseys to represent the team.

Not the best move, if you ask me.

On the flip side, I am less bothered by the word "Kings" being in Memphis' team name than I am when it shows up in most team names. After all, Memphis is home to Graceland. There are few rock musicians who are iconic enough to be able to serve as an icon for their home city, but Elvis Presley is undoubtedly one of those proud few.

(Side Note: The one time I had the pleasure of spending a week in Memphis -- and it was indeed a pleasure -- I spent one evening being shown all the sights by the local I had been working with and his wife. His wife was perpetually tired of hearing about Elvis. Her comments about Graceland were priceless, and I wish I could duplicate them. Her tirade about the people who show up for "Death Day" -- the anniversary of Elvis' death -- is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.)

Another amusing thing about the area -- and this will eventually get us back to the issue of the team -- is the signs on the highway at the state border. As you may know, Memphis is literally in the southwestern corner of Tennessee -- its western city limit is the Tennessee-Arkansas border, and its southern city limit is the Tennessee-Mississippi border. There are, predictably, suburbs that begin right where Memphis ends, which means they begin in the next state. As I approached the border into Mississippi on a lot of streets, I saw signs stating the name of the city I was now entering, and the name of the county I was not entering. There was, however, a curious lack of signs mentioning the fact that I was now entering the State of Mississippi. It's like the city wanted to be a part of Tennessee and was hoping no one would notice the different state if they kept quiet about it.

Anyway, the reason this gets back to the team is that the RiverKings don't actually play in Memphis. They used to, but now they play in one of the Mississippi suburbs. Despite this, they still retain the "Memphis" name. So many other teams would have used this as an excuse to change their name to something stupidly "inclusive" -- some monstrosity like the "Mid-South RiverKings". I am so thankful to the RiverKings for sticking to "Memphis" in these circumstances that I am actually taking the unusual step of turning the "regional" penalty into a bonus for them. Also, I am only giving them a half-penalty for the "Kings" in their name.

Final Score: 64 points.
Penalties: Kings (half-penalty), 4 pts; Compound, 13 pts; Software, 8 pts; Cartoon, 17 pts; Irrelevance (egregious), 21 pts; Name-Logo, 2 pts; Equip-logo, 5 pts;
Bonuses: "Reverse" Region, -3 pts; Local, -3 pts.