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	Lubbock Cotton Kings	107
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Posted 2003 March 11

Kuru is a fatal disease that used to strike the people of Papua New Guinea. Also known as "laughing sickness", it was usually contracted as a result of ritual cannibalism among certain tribes, especially by eating the brains of ancestors who had recently died.

What the textbooks fail to mention is that the Lubbock Cotton Kings' logo can also cause kuru. I know for a fact that I've never eaten human brains, but every time I see this thing I damn near die laughing.

Their first mistake, of course, was the name. Now, I realize that Lubbock may not have as much going for it as Boston, where you can name teams after the American Revolution or the harbor or Ally McBeal or senators driving drunk. But honestly: doesn't this town have something going for it other than a freaking crop? Surely they could have done better than this! How is it that every team that ever existed in Georgia, Alabama, or Mississippi could find something else to name their team after, but these guys couldn't?

Then, they made the mistake of trying to have a mean-looking character in their logo. Guys, you're attempting the impossible here. You can not make cotton look tough. It simply can not be done. Try, and you wind up with something that looks like...well, to be totally frank, you wind up with something that looks like the Lubbock Cotton Kings' logo.

On a side note: How much do you want to bet that there's not so much as a thread of cotton in a Cotton Kings jersey? It's bad enough that they had to pick such a silly name, but to throw false advertising on top of it is totally inexcusable.

Now, if all of this isn't absurd enough (and trust me, it is), then here's something to consider: what do you think their mascot looks like? Well, if you can't take the suspense, just head over to the Cotton Kings' "fan pics" page and see for yourself. I'm a little relieved, because I was expecting to see the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. This isn't as bad as that. Not quite. But I won't call it much better, either. In fact, it looks like the Cookie Monster's albino twin. Come on, everybody, sing it with me: "H is for Hockey, it's good enough for me!"

Final Score: 107 points.
Penalties: Kings (8 pts); Compound (13 pts); Alliteration (2 pts); Cartoon (17 pts); Anthropomorphization (egregious) (15 pts); Name-Logo (2 pts); Equip-Logo (quadruply egregious) (25 pts); Colorful (13 pts); State (egregious) (6 pts); Yucky-Name (5 pts); Yucky-Logo (4 pts)
Bonuses: Local (-3 pts).