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	Danbury Trashers	99
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Posted 2004 December 22

After all this time, it's really hard to get me to believe a logo represents a new low in sports logos. Bears on skates? Yawn. A gorilla walking out of a space portal? Been there, done that. Weather phenomena with facial expressions? Ho hum. After a while, I begin to wonder if I can find something unique to say about each logo when they all look the same.

But once in a blue moon, a logo comes along that tears through all that has come before it the way a habanero pepper tears through your digestive tract. And with pretty much the same effect, I might add. The sheer audacity of such logos is truly awe-inspiring. The thought that such a logo was not merely designed but actually approved after its creation boggles the mind. Such a logo has philosophical ramifications, as it brings the very notion that we have evolved above and beyond other species into question. Such a logo may even be a convincing argument that there is no god.

This, my friends, is such a logo.

What can I say that isn't obvious? I am too dumbstruck to make clever comments about this one. All I can do is stupidly state the obvious:

It's a fucking trash can!
With eyes!
And arms!
And hockey gloves!
And a stick!
And a puck!
And did I mention that it's a fucking trash can???
And is it my imagination or do the arms look like Mickey Mouse's?
...fucking...
...trash can...
...trash...
...can...

To truly understand the effect this is having on me would require a camcorder to be trained on me. I'm looking at this logo slack-jawed, speechless, and flailing my arms in disbelief. Every twenty seconds or so I manage to sputter one or more of the phrases I listed above. After doing that two or three times I compose myself enough to type a sentence or two. Then I look it again. I'm scratching my head. I'm resisting the temptation to pull my hair out. I am so glad my wife isn't home right now, for she would surely have me committed. She's been convinced I'm teetering on the edge for years, and now she would know I've finally lost it. Deep in the darkest recesses of my heart, I know that this logo was designed by Cthulhu himself.

For the sake of my sanity I can go no further. Let me tally the points and turn away from the madness now, before it's too late...if it isn't already.

Final Score: 99 points.
Penalties: -Ers, 9 pts; Cartoon, 17 pts; Anthropomorphization (doubly egregious), 23 pts; Name-Logo, 2 pts; Equip-logo (quintuply egregious), 38 pts; Yucky-Logo 5 pts; Yucky-Name, 5 pts. Bonuses: None.