HUMAN TRAINING
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While the three of us agree on very little else, we do agree on this:
 Training humans is as individual as we cats are. Different personalities draw from different reference points. Past training can be incorporated into present training, therefore, the time spent with each human also factors into the equation. Also, what works for one cat doesn't always work for another, even in the same house; and what works on one human may not work on another, again, even in the same house. We have come to train each of our parents in our own unique and varying ways. By learning a little of our respective histories and personalities, you will better understand our specific approaches, and then be able to determine what would work best for you.
 THE LADYLIKE APPROACH Being the eldest, I shall go first. Hello, my name is Mischi, which rhymes with "fishy" (stop sniggering, Herbie!). My name comes from the German word "gemischt" meaning mixed because of my coloring. You see, I am a very attractive female long-haired calico (of Maine Coon pedigree), with green eyes (mother always says that she will have them transplanted to her own eyes when I pass away – how gauche!). Mother adopted me over 12 years ago and she has learned well in that time.
My nicknames include "Mischlein" (a German nickname); "Princess" (self-explanatory); "Tribble" (because I purr loud and a lot and I am very fluffy, similar to Star Trek's Tribbles); "Mao" (not because of any Chinese affiliation, but because, in my very soft, very feminine way, it sounds as if I say, "mao" instead of "meow"); and "Meatloaf" (a horrendous nickname grandmama gave me while we were living with her – she says that I "just lay there, like a meatloaf on the table," just because I keep to myself and sleep a lot -- and she wonders why I do not care much to be in her presence!)
I surmise that my first lesson for mother was to teach her to treat me with the dignified respect so fitting one of my regal bearing. I must admit, she was an extremely quick study in this respect. More recently, she has learned to chastise the others for upsetting me, which they do on a regular basis and also to provide shelter from their numerous storms (Taz, do not act so innocent). And she has learned that when something bad happens, it was not I who did it – in fact, she very rarely yells at me, simply because I very rarely do anything wrong (unlike some cats in this household!).
 I have found that my very gentle, ladylike manner also works on our new father, especially my soft little "mao." He goes out of his way to give me milk and food when the others are not in the vicinity to steal it away. He gets extra credit for doing this despite mother constantly telling him not to feed us other than "cat food" (bless the dear man!). Unfortunately, I must now turn this over to my rambunctious and thoroughly obnoxious brother.
 THE LOVEABLE APPROACH Hey, my name is Herbie, as in Disney's "Herbie, The Love Bug." I'm 18 lbs. of the softest fur -- mostly white with just a touch of black -- mom's ever felt (when I kick the bucket, she's gonna make me into a muff to keep her hands warm in the winter – hey, whatever makes her happy). Mom got me about 3-1/2 years ago as a Christmas present to replace a dearly departed friend (may she rest in peace) of Fishy-Mischi's (what a goody-two-shoes – she's soooo boring).
My nicknames include, to name just a few, "ButtButt" (because #1, I butt my head into everyone, and #2, I wear my tail up over my head like a Pomeranian and, therefore, you see my, um, . . . you know); "Bubby" and "Bubby-Boy" (mom's silly names); and "Stinker Bell" (so, I'm a little stinker sometimes – hey, boys will be boys). Mom and dad think I think I'm a dog, just because I like to sleep on my back, feet-up, and I like to have my belly rubbed and scratched, and I chew leather, and I don't "meow" (they say I growl and make a little bark-like sound, but I don't).
 Anyway, I guess the best thing I've taught mom is the "nigh-nigh" trick: she tells me it's time for "nigh-nigh," sometimes I make her chase me around first (hey, that's a hoot!), then I go upstairs and lay down on the bookcase at the head of the bed, and she strokes and kisses and talks to me – hey, that's my time for undivided attention, and I love it!!!
Dad is a real push-over when it comes to "treats" (hey, I said I was 18 lbs.), and all of us have trained him well when it comes to breakfast time -- mom used to just leave a huge bowl-full of dry food out for a few days, but we taught dad to give us fresh food every morning, plus he gives a lot of attention then, too. Dad also gives great belly rubs.
Hey, it's time to hear from my cool baby sis (mom says she's my "partner in crime").
 THE CUTE APPROACH My name's Taz, like the Tasmanian Devil (who me?!?!). I'm a female tortie that daddy and mommy (before they got married) found at a cat show, about a year ago. Since daddy loves the cartoon character Taz, and because I was so sweet and cuddly to him, dad fell in love right away, and they took me home. My nicknames include "Tazwaz" (a silly name daddy calls me); "Tasmania" (when I get really wound up); "L'il Sh**" (when they think I'm being naughty), and "Baby Girl" or "Bubby Girl" ('cuz I'm the baby of the family).
Since I was just a little tyke when they got me, I was a little confused at first – you see, I thought daddy was my "mama," and even though I've sorted that all out, he still helps me with my nightly bath, just like I taught him: I lick his thumb and then put it in my ear (actually, he's quite good at it). I've also trained him to "make me beg for ice cream" (Mischi says it's a real gift to train them so they think they trained you). Daddy also lets me sleep on his lap all night while he watches TV But most important, he's learned to play my favorite game: jump-on-daddy's-cajones-and-make-him-jump (he jumps real good, too!!!).
 Since I've always been a daddy's-girl, mommy's had to try harder. But she does that well. She doesn't mind when Herbie and me get crazy and run around the house and up and down the stairs, and she's getting real good at playing wiggle-toes-under-the-covers (I still gotta train her not to give so many kisses though – yuk!).
 We hope that our lesson here today has given you some incite into how to train humans. Ours are but three of the many available approaches, not to mention combinations thereof. But none of them are difficult, once you determine which approach is right for your human.
Mischi, Herbie & Taz Sexton | |